Below are the 5 most recent journal entries recorded in Erin's LiveJournal:

Thursday, March 13th, 2003
5:14 pm	What the fuck do i believe?? "I believe in nothing of Heaven, but on this Earth, on this parking lot, I believe in you." So things finally start working out for me and now I feel like it's going to shit again. Well maybe not shit, but I sure am confused. When it rains it pours.... Sometimes, no...actually a lot of the time, I wish I could be like the 99% of humanity that only wishes to get through life. Get a job, have a family, etc. This is not what I'm looking for....what do I want?? There is something bigger/different out there that I'm supposed to do and I have NO CLUE what it is. I've had fleeting moments in my life where I got a glimpse of what my purpose is, or felt that a certain path was right. Those were always the scariest choices though. The ones that involved leaving society as most people know it to make my own path. Chris R. has invited me to some SKS events and I want to go but I'm afraid to, I think. Mostly because of the things he and I have in common. There is an intensity in our friendship that is unsettling, made even more so because it's happened so quickly. That's the way it's always been though, with my closest friends. And to top it all off I have an ex-sort-of-gf professing her undying love for me....3 years too late. BLAH. On a better note, I think I will have my lab job for the summer. Pat and I talked about it today and she'll be able to give me lots o' hours first session since I won't have school till the 2nd session. I still like my job, but as the days get longer and prettier I ache to get away to the mountains. I feel so out of place here in Raleigh. I was not born for flat land. Coolest thing of all, for the moment. I'm riding in the Tour de Friends ride to benefit AIDS charities. 330 miles *ON MY BICYCLE* from here to Washington DC June 19-22. I have to raise $2500 to ride. Yikes!! The Capital Leathermen are giving me $500 which is a great start but damn I've got a long way to go! Anyone reading this who wants to donate any amount just let me know :) Started training on my new road bike last weekend, and realized just how horribly out of shape I am :( But I'm so excited about it. Doing something on this magnitude has been my dream since losing a dear family friend to AIDS in 1994. This one's for you, Adrian. Current Mood: thoughtful Current Music: the humming of the lab refridgerators.... (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, December 13th, 2002
4:18 pm	Bleah... Well I got the e-mail I was waiting for and.....well, not much. I was so dissapointed that I wanted to cry at first, then vomit. I expected so much more than what I got. But at the same time I know she's reading and thinking about it, just not responding the way I want her to. The way I want her to. That's the problem.... Got to work late, as in 1ish, cause i can't get my lazy ass out of bed anymore. So now I have to stay and run a RNA gel and they take godawfully forever. Most all the labs decorated their doors last night and they look great!! My motivation is not at all where it should be to start next semester. It's better, but not there... That worries me. I can't be less than good, and have this thing with Jack and rugby and research on top of school. BLEAH Current Mood: disappointed (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, December 12th, 2002
8:45 am	It's Official.... My Dad called me yesterday to tell me that Christmas had officially begun... There's an old geezer couple that lives on my parent's road and every Christmas they drag this old truck out really close to the street. Now, this truck looks like it was made in 1906 and I'm sure it hasn't run for the last 30 years. There's a huge wooden cross bolted to the front, complete with inspirational verses, and lights draped all over it. It sounds like the ugliest thing ever right? Actually no... Strangely, it has become the sign o' Christmas for my family. And it went up yesterday. So damn the calendars...it's Christmas! Now I miss home... Current Mood: nostalgic Current Music: Radio Christmas (Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 11th, 2002
10:50 pm	Mmm mmm good..... Hibachi Express with my Little Bro...what could be better?? So I hate that I'm going inactive next semester but I just don't think I could handle it. This semester almost killed me. Made me want to kill everyone around me!! I'm still waiting for this e-mail....fucking patience. Of all the virtues I don't have, this is the one I need the most. I feel old...this is NOT the way I planned my life, not what I expected. So far behind, no way to catch up. Sometimes I wonder if I'm meant to finish college. I've always felt some people aren't meant to go to college, but I never placed myself in that group. No one knows how to deal with my shit, yet I can and do deal with everyone else's. Someone please tell me, how fucking fair is that?? Apologies around to the poor souls who got caught up in this mess... Current Mood: frustrated Current Music: one righteous babe (Comment on this)
6:52 pm	Kinda Lonely....waiting not so patiently for an e-mail So I want to keep better track of my life. I don't know if this is the answer, but dammit it's worth a try. So do you know how much it SUCKS to be so free while everyone you know is wrapped in finals?! Current Mood: impatient Current Music: Mormon Tabernacle Choir Christmas music (1 Comment |Comment on this)